Like a duck — what’s flapping underneath?

I don’t think I have a resting bitching face, but just in case you wondered, here’s the inner dialogue before and after yesterday’s group coaching session. Between the brain acrobatics and shutting up ‘but’ voices, I need to remember to activate my face.

I’ll just hide here

5.00pm — Who’ve I got tonight? What did they say last time? What are their names? Will people turn up? What did they say?! Dammit, should have made a note.

5.15pm — Will they find the self-inquiry exercise useful? Does it make sense?

5.45pm — “It’s booked up.” What?! How did I forget to check the room hire?! What a rookie mistake! Argh, where can we go?

6.00pm — Thank god I came out earlier. Phew no events going on here. Oh no the music’s loud…too loud? Nope, just stick with it.

6.15pm — I hope the group saw the update…Hope they still show up.

6.30pm — Doh, someone cancelled cos of the room change. Feeling unprofessional, should have checked, dammit.

6.45pm — Phew, people are turning up. Time to remember what I’m doing! What’s the exercise? I’m tired…more caffeine!

7.00pm — Get the group to share their thoughts on last time. Feel bad for forgetting the details from last time.

7.10pm — Phew, I remember this now. I’m so happy they found it useful last time.

7.20pm — Oh man, I’m not explaining this exercise well. Quick, give concrete examples.

7.25pm — Okay, got them working, can rest my brain a bit…Do they understand what I’m trying to get at? I’ll give them some other questions to consider. Am I saying too much? Am I saying too little?

7.45pm — Phew looks like it’s going down well. What insights can I help bring out? Dammit, am I forcing it? Keep the ball rolling. Give people thinking time.

8.00pm — That was such a good insight. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s good, I like others pitching in. It doesn’t need to be a neat interaction.

8.15pm — Better get some concrete actions out. Is each person coming out with something valuable?

8.20pm — Phew everything fell into place, each person’s got something actionable….Time to round up.

8.30pm — They’re still talking. It’s great that they’re all getting along but I need to go. Brain melted and fried.

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11.00pm — Repeat all that as I try to fall asleep…dammit.

From switching on to switching off, self-doubt always creeps in — Work in progress.


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