I Am an Expert Sleeper

I win awards for my sleep.

I’ve won the respect of my sleep peers and the adoration of thousands of fans.

They crowd around my bed as I sleep. They watch, in awe, as I turn during the night. They admire my sleep style, my positions, my drool patches.

When I wake, they clap.

You make it look so easy, they say.

I rub my eyes. That was a really good sleep, I say. I’m so good at this, probably one of the best sleepers there ever was.