I Am an Expert Sleeper
I win awards for my sleep.
I’ve won the respect of my sleep peers and the adoration of thousands of fans.
They crowd around my bed as I sleep. They watch, in awe, as I turn during the night. They admire my sleep style, my positions, my drool patches.
When I wake, they clap.
You make it look so easy, they say.
I rub my eyes. That was a really good sleep, I say. I’m so good at this, probably one of the best sleepers there ever was.